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Sex, Love, & Relationship Coach, Writer, Educator ❤ Certified Tantra Teacher | www.hakimatantrika.com

5 things you should know

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I spent 8 years in Japan in my twenties and early thirties. I had two Japanese boyfriends during that time, and they would avoid having sex with me. At the time, I thought something was wrong with me. I felt this way until I left Japan and got engaged to a North American man. I was crazy in love, and we had a great time in the beginning. As the relationship evolved, he began to lose his sexual interest in me, and the sex became boring. …


#4: They don’t date one man at a time

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My best friend Louise is the queen of attraction. I have never seen anyone who had so many men doing everything possible to win her heart. Surprise dinners and cross-country trips to share a coffee with her are just the norm. It didn’t matter if they were young or old, short or tall, rich or poor — they would do the impossible to spend time with her.

It made me curious. How does she do that? I asked her and she told me something that I’ll always remember.

There are two kinds of women in this world. Women who know…


The question I always ask when I start dating someone.

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You may roll your eyes at this pick-up line, “What’s your sign?” But astrological compatibility is a great method for navigating your relationships.

I like to analyze my date’s full birth chart based on astrology. I try to identify our compatibility and chances for the long term. Assessing compatibility can prevent heartbreaking experiences.

My astrologer told me to avoid dating Marsian (yeah I know it sounds weird). At first, I didn’t know what it meant. …


And it’s for both, men and women

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A lot of people ask me why I don’t have casual sex. Especially men.

They try to convince me with their logic that I should give in to casual sex — with them of course. Because, you know, they just want me to “enjoy the present moment,” “the gifts of life” and “receive pleasure.” They become the best sales representatives in marketing the concept of casual sex to get what they want from me. Men all of a sudden become great communicators.

However, I don’t give in to casual sex and I am very mindful with who I share my…


How my best-friend Kelly ended her celibacy…

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Fantasies about strangers are common. We love the idea of a sexy stranger coming into our lives and providing a little bit of excitement, then leaving us with the memories of it, and nothing more. This story isn’t about me, but about my best friend Kelly, and her exciting encounter with a stranger after nearly a year of celibacy.

Kelly had made her way down to Mexico for a much deserved vacation. Seeking relaxation, and maybe a little bit of adventure, she found herself in her AirBnB after a long day of traveling…


And what to do about it…

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Last month, I went on a date with a smart and handsome man named Alejandro. Our mental connection was strong and exciting. I knew I had to stay grounded while I was trying to find out if he was a good person. I listened to the way he communicated, learned about his relationships with his family and exes. As time passed, I got more and more excited. Then when I let my guard down, he finally revealed himself. What I feared was true — he was toxic.

Despite me saying no, he pressured me into having sex and right after…


The easiest way for her to want sex with you

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“I don’t know what to do, my wife doesn’t seem to enjoy sex with me.” Or she says “I’m not enjoying sex with him.”

I’ve heard these complaints over the last few months again and again and it gives me anxiety. These complaints scream despair and hopelessness. It saddens me to learn that many couples are frustrated and unsatisfied with their sex life. Sex should be fun, joyful and pleasant if you just let go and surrender to it.

I’ve written many tutorials to help men please their partner but the message doesn’t seem to sink in. So, I’m going…


My rebirth with psychedelics and plant medicine

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“Take a deep breath, tip your head back and guide this tube into your left nostril. I’m going to blow this powder into your brain.”

That was my introduction to Shamanism and my first plant medicine ceremony.

Like many people, I’d experimented with mind altering substances in the past. Alcohol, Marijuana, and perhaps a synthetic derivative. Enjoyment, escapism, and curiosity had been my motivators.

This was different.

Here there was respect for ceremony and tradition. Trust and intention became a crucial part of the process.

My friend now calls himself a shaman and looks like an unshaven jungle beast. Several…


Self-doubt can be your best ally in life.

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What if I tell you that you can use self-doubt to your advantage to boost your confidence? It seems like an oxymoron, but it’s possible, and I’m going to tell you how.

When my ex and I broke up, I felt overwhelmed by self-doubt. My relationship with a narcissist affected my confidence and kept me in a cycle of self-doubt.

I know I’m not the only one. Self-doubt can creep into your personal and professional life when you try something new — like being single. Thoughts of unworthiness can affect your confidence and stop you from being your true self…


How to know if you should stay single

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Dating is incredibly time-consuming.

It takes up so much mental space, too. We think about people, daydream about possible partners, and generally overanalyze interactions. Dating is work. It can be fun but it is also very draining.

Nowadays, there can be pressure to be dating or at least flirting with someone. But there are plenty of reasons why you wouldn’t want to date. And honestly, you might not be ready. If you are not ready to date then that’s ok. Save your time and effort and think about if you are actually ready to date.

Here are 10 signs that…

Hakima T A N T R I K A

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